Tuesday, December 9, 2008

An Open Letter RE: Christmas

I am utterly sick of Christmas - totally, and absolutely sick of it. I quite think I might literally explode if I hear just one more person say “Merry Christmas”. Merry Christmas - bah!

It’s not the religious side of things - that’s ok with me. I’m not what you’d call a Christian, but each to their own. No, I don’t mind the carols, or even the hypocrisy of the once-a-year church-goers. Once a year is better than never I guess.

I don’t mind the other side of it either - the economy of the throwaway society - the rustle of paper on Christmas morning, the twinkle of tinsel, the coloured glow of fairy lights. It’s just harmless fun.

No, my problem with Christmas is the food. In this so-called time of goodwill and kindness, ordinary people transform into gluttons. They eat and eat and then they eat even more. That’s bad enough but what really gets me is just what they eat. Goodwill they say yet they sit down and eat your brother, or your sister - licking their lips and salivating. They eat my family and dribble the juice of their being down their chins while they laugh and spread good cheer! And then - and then they eat you. Good will? Not from my perspective. A time of gratuitous over-indulgence at the expense of others - at the expense of us. Merry Christmas? Bah!

I am praying - very hard - to whatever Gods might hear and pay heed to a lowly victim like me.

Great God of the consumed,
Save me and my family from these uncaring consumers.
We are the victims of joy, the sufferers of human joy.
Please, great God, save us.

With great respect and love,
The Christmas Pudding.

1 comment:

ausie said...

Perhaps we need to eat plum puddings instead of christmas puddings :-p